Ughh… Where to start?

 [Music Video: Halfway Home ~ Jason Mraz]

After quite a while, I’m back.

I’ve been through a lot lately. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. I don’t know if this is my unlucky-year or something, but this year has been life-changing.

Explains why I am out of the blogosphere for about half a year. Woohoo! 

Well, as people would know me, I am one  of those silly people who does not want to grow up fast. I value my time, and what I can do while I am young. I am childish and immature, point blank.

But sometimes,  life will not let you wait for happy things to come. Life, most of the times, will test how strong you are, and how well you will cope with all the sudden changes. 

This has been a journey, I am still walking. She went ahead, back home, to cook us dinner. She wanted me to take care of myself, and appointed me to take care of the others.  She will wait there, with a smile.

I wanted to take her pain while she was with us. She cared about us more than she did for herself. She never wanted us to learn about the pain, until she cannot bear it anymore. She did not want us to worry.

I thought it was not serious. I thought wrong.

She smiled for me, each and every step of this long journey. She gave me the strenght to take on life. She taught me how to walk, run and leap. She was always there… 

Until she died.

Now, I know what she meant. And I truly miss her. Yet, I know, I am still half-way to where she is now, waiting for me patiently.

I will not rush things, so that i can tell her a lot of stories when we meet again. over dinner.

Yes. Sad but true. My mom just died last May 25. She only lasted 3 months after she was diagnosed with Cancer. Ironically, she was diagnosed March, my birthmonth. I did not realize that it will be the last celebration that we can have with her.

She was in deep pain. Pain that did not let her sleep at night. Pain that struck not only her body, but our hearts as well. I did not know what to do. I really did not want to see her suffering, and decided to work for her medication. I was not always at the hospital to tend to her, something that I regret now.

The first time that I saw her bedridden and sleeping, with all those tubes attached to her, I broke down. I cried in front of her. Then she woke up and said, “Ohh… bakit ka umiiyak?” in blurred, unstable noises. Then she smiled. 

I wanted  to hug her so bad but I was afraid that I might do something with the machines attached to her. She held my hand. She smiled again, a smile that seem to say “I’ll be fine”…

Remembering all this makes me cry. She was one, if not the only, reason I wanted to live.

After she died, I heard that when she knew what her condition was, the first thing she said to her best friends was “Kayo nang bahala sa mga anak ko”… I can certainly say she is the BEST mom.

Mame, kung nababasa mo to, or kung alam mo yung nasa isip ko, gusto ko lang malaman mo, Mahal na mahal kita. Hindi ka nagkulang. Hindi ka nabigo. At lalong lalo nang hindi kita kalilimutan.

For all those people who are reading this, don’t waste any time. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. For all the time we have is NOW.

Tama na ang drama para sa first post ko ng aking pagbalik sa blogging. I just want to take this out, and express to the world how much I love my mom.