Back to Basics

How to start this?

IM BACK!!!

Very lame… yeah I know. I just don't know why, but something in me says I need to blog again. Say anything I want to. And there are a LOT of things I want to express. I lot has happened since my last post, that's like 3 months ago.

Yes, I have a stable work now, a stable expense and a lonely life, thats makes everything even…or should I say boring. I never thought I can bare with "worklife" but, sort of glad to say, I am almost a year now in the call center industry. I had my share on making our home better, fixing things here and there, the stairs, the bathroom, the terrace and others with the money I earn. The bad thing is, I was not able to save up for school. Well, maybe it's because my parents prioritize our house, because we can now say it is ours, so we invest on it. How I miss school. I can give up work for school, if only I have some other source of income. 

I now consider myself the bread winner of two families. How nice, eh? I don't even have a family yet but I am coining for not just one, but two. Well, sometimes, my older brother can be so "idiotic" that I need to bare his responsibilities. o well, I can not do anything, can I? He's family anyway. I just hope he snaps back and realize that HE is the elder brother, not just the older one.

Also, Why is it that when I thought I finally found someone good for me turns out to be one hell of a big nightmare. NIGHTMARE! It's much worse than a nightmare, actually… because she had me sleepless for more than two weeks. Stress from work + love problems = nothing that will keep you awake. This is actually why my 300-peso load that needs to last 2 months only lasted 2 weeks. I needed to check up on her, keep her company and all that, thinking she may be sick or something, Only to know that she is… You will still love her even though you know the child she carries is not yours. Well, even though you know you she will not be yours anymore, you still keep in touch, and care for her. 

This is why I hate being the martyr, but that's just my nature. Yeah, I cursed her name, wanted to actually kill her for it, cried nights for nothing, but then again, Yes, shit does happen. And if they do, you can never run away, you need to face it. Live with it.

Well, I had no choice but to stay away. I always see her still (she is from the same office, FGS) and I also see the father. I am not angry with them anymore. Maybe this is a sign that she is not meant for me anyway. Hahahaha… this is the 3rd time I had this issue in my life, and I cant seem to find reason for it.

Why is it that my former relationships with the females I meet turns out to be somehow tragic?

Maybe I need to find it somewhere else. Somewhere that's near but unlikely maybe? Someone I already know? Somewhere where I started from? I really don't know anymore.

Hey, I DID pass through all that identity crisis stage like 2 years ago already, and I know who I am now.  But is this something I should consider? Hahaha… Call me bisexual, gay, straight or anything, I don't care anymore. As long as I can find someone that has a mutual feeling, then we're all good!

This is coming from someone desperate. I just hope this anonymous one comes.

Damn, not the "Carlo Reyes Gay cutter" type that keeps on texting me for no reason at all, talking about my lovelife and all. Fruck, what do you care? As if… 

At least right now, I have reason to live. A reason to tell that person I… can't express myself. I am back to square one again, like 9 months ago when I met her. Back to basics.