Moving forward

The weekend has been too short for me. Everything seems to go on fast and sudden, like something that hits you without you knowing what it is, nor what it was (is that grammatically correct? well, morphologically speaking, it is.) I don't know why things are very temporary for me at the moment…except for one thing…

Okay let's start with the basics. It is the  the last business day of the week and I am in the greatest mood, mostly because of my cyclothymia. The pressure seems to be light. I don't know if I was too light that day that he invited me over to his house to sleep there. It was around 4:00 in the morning. Fishy, ain't it? That shocked me skin through bone. I know he is frank about everything, but hell, a she-male as he is and…*eherm*…the person that i am, for some reason, it really doesn't fit. It was as though he was harassing some other guy then he gets to me and offers that. Then he mentions that he's the only one there at his place. Whoa! Hold your horsie…I mean, horses! Good thing I had plans with the DotA guys and I got an excuse. 

No words. Nothing…

On another different, but rather related note…Ian and Roni from the 4:00am shift visited us guys from the 7:00pm shift. I really don't know why but that started my cyclothymia. Hehehe… learning from what i can do with the mute button, I talked to them while the customer was on hold. And I was on hold too…on hold of her… Fanget …hahaha…cant get another excuse for it. O well…

I won't elaborate. Don't want to.

Moving forward… 

This feeling keeps on growing inside me but I can't seem accommodate it since as know that it is, perhaps, unconventional. I can love, I can tell you that. But nobody told me that loving in the twilight zone is really this hard. I keep on suppressing all my thoughts about this person. It is shocking that sometimes I see myself in the shadow of this person and I can't seem to get out of it. It is dark and cold here but it seems that we are both trapped in this reality. We both need to get out into the warmth. I'll be waiting for that time and place for me to start and take us both out of this misery…But that time may never come. I don't really know how to start… 

Three instances of the same theory of my mind game…A mind game that even I, who created it, cannot win.

I'll be late for work…i'll just take things a day at a time. I'll move forward and see what happens.  

Time

I've been forced to waste time…MY FREE TIME…yesterday again and for no valid reason at all. I had a very bad night since they gave me that look and that i cannot push my point any further…like I can push any point when they're around. 

Then they will ask me why I can't even take time to say where I am going and when I am going back. Reason: Whenever I take that initiative, I always give them the chance to deny me of the only free time I have. Just like what i did yesterday, and I regret I even got back at 8. If only I was not hungry. Anyway, after they said, and finalized, that I will not be able to go out anymore, I had no more appetite  and did not eat anymore.

 I will make them see how frustrated I am for the next few days. If that doesn't work, well, we'll see…

"Talong, Paminta at Sibuyas…"

"Itlog na lang ang kulang, Torta na!" -DSL9

 I keep on smiling and laughing at this quote. I don't know how it came to be, but somehow it strikes me…Hahahahah…

The long day behind me…

It all started when the day had almost gone by. As always, not like the normal person, I've always seen the day pass by, like time passing through the window,ticking, every second being watched. Every long second being seen until you get to talk to someone you totally don't know, pretending you can help mih on his problem, when the truth is, you cannot solve your own.

But this must not hinder you from working the day away…

Log-in. A second has passed…two…three…four…ten…fifty five…three hundred forty seven…onlt God knows how much now. After all this time, I have been accomodated with what I was doing. I just hope I was becoming good at it. From this point forward, I always looked for the time I could log-out and start the whole week over. Starting Over is what I seem to do the best. Tomorrow, or should I say…today, will be a good day.

I thought wrong.

The time passed as I watched it go through my points of preference. I am now getting ready to leave. Getting ready to leave but still continue this day forward and never close my case again. I am looking forward to see the friends that I wanted to spend time with. I was looking forward to see her…and I did. But she didn't seem to look back. Even after I called her name. Maybe, I should accept the fact that i'm just making everything up.

Outside, I waited…and waited. I thought they would never come for me. I had doubts. I had fears. I had regrets. I had hope. I had some motives. I had seen them come. From a dirty looking car, coated with grit and grime of time. I never saw it this clean before. Okay, I may be exaggerating, but I  really am.

I somehow became happy to see the untidy scriptures written on that car. Even though I am wearing a very white outfit, I had nothing against rubbing shirts with the vehicle.

All went as though we are going out fine. We thought we were early for an event. We thought we can go ahead and waste time in the hopes of a compensation.

But, again, i was wrong.

We came there and did not expect to get what we came there for when we saw the crowd. I had hopes and some energy left to lead my way through the mob, but somehow I am still failing.

To cut the long story short, the thing we came there for is trash. An awful waste of time, money and effort. I should not have planned for this, but the truth remains, I did.

We had no other choice but to abandon the hopes of having what we expected. We left with nothing but an empty space left in our faces, as though something struck our minds dead. To cheer my whole day up, I decided to make the day somehow worthwhile. I had my ways. I had them through what I was paid for.

but it seems that decision making is really not my forte. I cannot even call myself 'sport' if I met myself. I cannot imagine what I have done.

I remembered. I was my nephew's birthday. Immediately when I came back, I had all my strenght pulled out to help my family take this event to position. I had no sleep yet, but I can still push myself. And I did. I even thought I can't get to my plans anymore. But all's well that ends well.

I have this little funny feeling that this day won't be over still, and I need to take this as though it will be my best day ever.

My guess is, tonight, when I try to lay on my bed, I will easily fall into sleep. One that will take me to the wonderous heights of freedom and content. One that might never end. I wish that this dream should never end, and I always keep my hopes up that tomorrow will be as good as today. I just hope I can sleep from now till forever, never to wake up again.

But I learned that I should never expect any day to have the results I want. Even though I wish everything to end, It will not happen soon.

Not soon enough.

But if it did, I am happy to have spent it the way I had been given and I became happy for it. happy for a short period of my life.

This is not coincidence anymore

This came from my horoscope after 3 days that ive been checking it…

You are a very generous person — to a fault sometimes. There are some people new to your life right now who could be angling to take advantage of the fact that you tend to think of the needs of others before you consider your own needs. Today you need to protect yourself. Switch those around on your priority list and focus more on giving yourself what you need and keeping it. Conservation is a big long word for maintaining what you've worked so hard to achieve.

For the third time in a row (since Ive been posting these 'horroscope' (<–wrong spelling) things), This became quite right for me. Ive seen it coming but I really want it to happen. I don't know why…maybe because I'm…

I'll tackle that topic later…

Anyway, maybe what I said that I am not the Horoscope guy, is actually wrong…